RSS Feed

RIP 42.2

I’m so tired of running.

If that sounds like a euphemism for facing some important life issue, I guess it is. What I mean, though, is I’m tired of long distance running.

I’ve had a on again off again relationship with running for the past thirty years, but we’ve been in a very committed relationship for the past decade or more. Over the past eleven years, I have run ten or eleven major races, including three marathons.  Why go the distance? A little voice told me to.  A little voice told me 5 and 10k were not a commitment. 21.1k was a real commitment – and 42.2k was marriage.

Whatever.

Like many marriages these days, I’m about to file for divorce.

While I can’t say I gave it my all and left it all on the course, I did finish. I’ve crossed that beeping finish line (seriously, in case you didn’t know, finish lines beep) and called a panting, sweaty end to our bond. I made a new vow – no more marathons.

During my race, I passed several signs along the way that I have seen in previous races and used to inspire me but now totally piss me off. If I actually had had the stamina and could spit out the words, here’s how I would have replied:

“Toenails are for sissies!” 

Toenails are not for sissies, they’re for people. I am very attached to my toenails and I think we should stick together. Nevertheless, my toenails look like sissies right now.

 “You’ve done dumber things when you’re drunk.”

True. Very true. I agreed to my first marathon when I was drunk so maybe it really is time to lay off the vino.

 “Run like you stole something.”

I did. All my senses (and feeling below the waist).

 “… because 42.3 kms would be crazy!”

Who’s you trying to kid?! 42.2 is crazy.

 I love your endurance … call me!”

OK, but don’t touch me. I hurt all over.

 “Your perspiration is my inspiration.”

Gross.

 “I’m sure it seemed like a good idea 4 months ago”

It did, but I changed my mind about three months ago.

I’m hobbling around for the next few days, clutching the banister for support. Why did I do this to myself? Maybe celebrating my 50th birthday last year made me think I should do another marathon, as kind of a midlife fitness double-dog dare. Maybe it’s because my brother has done countless marathons and I’m not mature enough to refrain from sibling rivalry.  Maybe I was temporarily insane. I’m experiencing the opposite of that euphoric ‘runner’s high’. Whatever the reason, I’m done. I don’t want to run a marathon again. That marriage is over.

I am, however, totally up for a fling with a 5k, or a one-night stand with a 10k!

 Image

About Astra Groskaufmanis

I am a zamboni fumes-inhaling hockey mom of three. I poke fun at myself, motherhood and my support group, Sarcasm and Chardonnay while writing my tell-all hockey mom-oir. Read more at www.thedustbunnychronicles.com, follow me on Twitter @mydustbunnies and join my Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/TheDustbunnyChronicles.

12 responses

  1. Wow. Congrats on both doing it and thinking about giving it up. I am a 5 km girl. I can walk forever for 5 km is my limit for running. It helps that I don’t have a competitive bone in my body.

  2. Astra, I live vicariously through you, sister. Congratulations on completing your marathon! The last time I did any running was back in the 70s. It was compulsory that students run one mile, once a week. The Physical Ed. teacher (who I still hate to this day) was named Mr. Crawford. I can still hear him shouting, “Bella, pick up the pace, child. My granny in a wheelchair runs faster than you!” The humiliation. I blame him for my hatred of running. Nowadays, the only time I would ever run is if Javier Bardem is in the vicinity! :)

    • Well Bella sorry for your Mr. Crawford experience but I’m glad Javier would still make you sprint – you’d have to knock me over on your way though ;-)

  3. Yeah – more time for writing – and we all benefit from that! Thanks for thinking of us!

  4. You go, girl! I envy your ability to run. Age has hit me with a 2 by 4. But I’m thankful for the long walks I can take with my dogs. Let’s just say, physical therapy really works! If not for PT, i’d be walking with a cane about now.

    • Like you Monica, I just want to continue to be mobile! I need to dial it down so I’m not doing too much of the wrong PT (physiotherapy!)

  5. I’m just starting down that road…thinking of doing my first 5k this fall. It’s just one of those things ya know…I’ll let you know what happens. Hopefully, it’s just a fling and it will stop as quickly as it starts. :)

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 898 other followers

%d bloggers like this: